Dressing Like an Olsen: The Fundamentals
If there’s one thing that the Olsens
miraculously seamlessly pull off time and again, it’s the incorporation of masculine (and often times asexual) components into street style. Relying heavily on deep blacks and heavy grey tones, they aren’t afraid of the potato-sack esque sweaters that threaten the femininity of even the bravest fashionista. It’s not every day that you feel confident enough to completely camouflage your curves with a black maxi skirt and charcoal wool poncho, but you better believe it’ll look better if you add a scarf, bowler hat, and oversized shades. Just ask Mary Kate and her fabulous elderly French boyfriend.
While we’re all about emulating Olsen to the nth degree, it does not come without some guidelines. I’ve pin pointed a few and wanted to share:
1. 95% of your outfit must fall on the greyscale. No exceptions, and cut out white if you’re feeling like a boss.
2. Regardless of weather, put some fucking layers on. The bulkier and less comfortable, the better. Heavy textiles such as wool, alpaca, and lead recommended.*
3. Buy your shoes from the Men’s Department. It’s hard to find good crocodile skin oxfords anywhere else. Believe me, I’ve looked.
4. Same goes for pants. There’s no pant less flattering then some one size too big male dress pants. Aspire to have the most ambiguous butt shape in all of the land.
5. If you must wear skinny jeans, please ensure that they are roughly 6 inches too long, thus leading to abundant bunching around the ankles, and subsequently detracting from any potential sex appeal of the ankles and calves.
*Bonus points if someone calls you Sir, Mr, or Dude. Gender confusion is a sign of success.
All photos courtesy of olsensanonymous.blogspot.com Basically one of the best things to ever happen to the internet.